June 28, 2007

  • Judgment

    When we judge someone we prevent ourselves from understanding that person.  Trying to get someone who judges another to understand that they have hurt that person by judging them is a lost cause.  If they could feel what that person feels, they would not be judgmental, but they are, so we already know that attempts to inspire them to empathize will be futile. 

     

    So why else is it wrong to judge?

     

    Better to think of it from the standpoint of self-interest.  If you judge me, for being a homosexual (I’m not), or for smoking cigarettes (I don’t) or for not “loving” Jesus the way that you “don’t” love Jesus (ok, you got me there), then you limit yourself from knowing my perspective.  If you decided I’m wrong for being this way, you are no longer going to try to understand it.  Why is that bad for you?  Unless you are scared you will become like me, there’s no harm in understanding why I like to be the way I am.  I’m not saying people aren’t wrong, but if I am wrong, then you have nothing to fear.  If I am wrong, it still helps you to understand WHY I am that way, and to act with compassion towards me, maybe help me (in ways I want to be helped).  Maybe I’m not AS wrong as you thought.  And if I’m not wrong.  And if, and this is possible, especially when  refusing to understand, you are wrong, then you are denying yourself something you should learn.

     

    I see someone driving their car, smoking a cigarette, taking a curve a bit fast.  It looks like fun.  I understand the appeal.  I bet it feels like freedom.  Do I want to smoke?  No.  Do I want to drive fast?  Probably not.  But I get him, and it makes me feel larger, like I am part of something larger to understand him.  I might still tell him to be careful.

     

    But when we judge others, we exclude ourselves from part of the world that we live in.  I’d prefer to be part of it.  I’ll influence it, if I can and when I want to, but in any case I want to know it.  That is what I am a part of whether I like it or not.  And it can’t but help us to understand each other.  Look how much conflict arises, minor and major in this sad world because people don’t understand each other. 

     

    There is a phrase people like to use.  “I don’t get that.”  It’s an interesting contradiction, I think.  It is used by people as an expression of judgment meaning “It doesn’t make any sense.”  But here’s the thing.  If something really doesn’t make any sense, that is often the first clue that there is actually something you aren’t understanding.  Instead of thinking that you do understand it, and that someone is just “sick” or “evil” or “perverted” think instead maybe, literally, that you don’t get that.

     

    Then try. 

Comments (7)

  • I love this post.  Probably because it hits a chord with me (my post today would explain).  Something has minimized the amount of compassion being generated in this world.  With all the advances and opportunities and discoveries we are experiencing in this world now, you'd think it would promote MORE open mindedness....but sometimes instead, we seem to be focused so much more selfishly on ourselves, what we want, what we think....rather than opening our minds and vision....  :)    thanks for this, it helped my mood.

    Sincerely, a non-Jesus lover who knows how to appreciate a Jesus lover...lol *wink*

  • You're wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!!!

    (Er, not really.)

  • You're wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong!!!

    (Er, not really.)

  • Hmm. I don't know if the double posts make it funnier or just stupider.

  • Do you believe that you can understand someone and still judge them? Because I like to think that I can do both... I can see where someone is coming from, but still think they're wrong.

    How about judging someone for, say, molesting a child? Because I can intellectually understand how someone would decide to do it, but I still judge it as a wrong and evil action.

    And how about judging yourself, and your own efforts? I judge myself as unsatisfactory in the dog-care area lately, because it's been hot and I've been busy, so my poor dog has suffered from a lack of walks... and I can understand why it happened, but still judge myself as not good enough... and this helps me make different choices in the future, hypothetically anyway.

  • When people hurt others, it is right to stop them, whether we understand them or not.  I prefer not to judge them as deserving of  "punishment", but, even if I understand that in his own deluded mind, Hitler, thought he was saving the world, I still would kill him if it would stop what he did.  And after the fact, I would hope to understand him (which may take not killing him), so I can prevent others like him in the future.  Yes, he's wrong.  You have to be able to say someone is wrong in what they do.  It's not all relative.  But they are still a part of "our" world and existence, and it helps to understand them and to even appreciate anything they may have done right.

  • i absolutely hate how the holocaust is the example de rigueur for ultimate evil. actually, maybe i just hate that an example de rigueur exists at all.

    something in my vicinity is rotting right now and i can't figure out what it is.

    when i say "i don't get that", i literally mean i'm having difficulty understanding the motives, not "doing that is wrong".

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